How Do You Teach Integrity?

This is a true story from my life.

It was the sping on 1968 and in April I was to turn 20 years of age. Lyndon Johnson was President and Richard Nixon was to be elected President in the fall of that year. The people of the United States were at odds with each other over a war that very few of us understood. I had just received my induction notice to serve in the U.S. Army. Like so many young men of that era, I was confused. Confused about my role in life as a young adult and uncertain about my future role in life. My father had passed away of a heart atttack at an early age of 42 when I was only 5 years old. Without any male figure to look up to, I always relied upon the only stabilizing force my life had known, my mother. She was a nurse's aide at the local hospital working many hours and doing many double shifts. She did this to make ends meet for us and to try to give me the things that other kids had.

The National Guard and Reserves were full and you could only get into one of them if you were wealthy or knew someone with connections. We were anything but wealthy and certainly didn't know anyone with that kind of pull. I was the only son of my father and knew that I could get a draft deferral from the military based on the fact that I was a sole surviving namesake. I went to the local draft board and told this to the lady in charge of the draft board. She gave me a form that I was required to complete and to get my Mother to sign in order to get this deferment. I was enraged, here I was being told that I had to go to war and fight but I had to have my mother sign a form in effect saying that it was O.K. if I didn't go. Well, I had to do it so I took the form and went to my Mother thinking no problem.

Astonished was not the word for it when my Mother told me that she would not sign the form. I was utterly and totally flabbergasted. I knew that she had to be afraid for me to go into the Army at this time. Most draftees were going to Vietnam and many were not coming home. She didn't want me to be one of those not coming home, I was sure. So how could she refuse to sign this simple form? I was now more confused than I had ever been in my life. The only protector and stabilizing force that I had ever known was, in essence, making me go to war. I was scared and afraid. I didn't want to go to war and possibly die.

Mother came and sat down beside me and put her arm around my shoulder. She said, "Son, this is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my life. I know that you don't understand why I am doing this. Hopefully someday you will. You see, she said, it was during the 2nd World War that many men faced the same situation that you are faced with today. Most of them wanted to serve their country but many others did not. Those that didn't want to go, did whatever they could, be it legal or illegal, to get out of having to go into the military. In fact, you had an uncle get out by a trumped up medical condition, while your father had to go. Those men that got out of the military have had many problems in life. They have come to realize that a person has to take responsibiity for their actions for their entire lives. They have had to live with these lies and guilt everyday of their lives. You uncle has talked about this with me many times. I don't want this for you son. I realize that if I signed this form that you probably would be safe and not have to go to war. But, son, it's a matter of your personal integrity now and for the rest of your life, even after I am dead. Someday you will understand."

I was inducted into the United States Army on April 16th, 1968 and served in the Republic of Vietnam from July 4th, 1969 until July 4th, 1970. I remained in the Army until April of 1971 when I was honorably discharged with the Army Commendation Medal.

I am sure that most people think of their mothers as Saints. Well, my mother WAS a Saint. She did the hard things in life to make sure that I had a better life than her. She passed away in February 1979.   She was a great lady and I miss her very, very much every day.  I don't know that I told her this before she died. She taught me the important things about life.